Conflict diamonds

With the message of the movie "Blood Diamond" reverberating around the world right now, I'm getting a lot of letters about how to tell if your diamond is one of the 'conflict diamonds,' and where you can go to find non-conflict diamonds. Here's a great article from About.com's jewelry expert, where you'll find terrific, educational links to help you out:
http://jewelry.about.com/cs/diamondmining/a/diamonds.htm

And if you're interested in naturally-colored diamonds, check out www.ncdia.com.

While we're on the subject, look at the beautiful hues of colored pearls at www.thepearloutlet.com. I had the great fortune of trying some of these on, and they give a modern twist to a traditional wedding day jewelry look for moms, maids and brides.

If you've gotten engaged this holiday season....

Congratulations! This is a very exciting time for you, and for your families, so start off the process right -- with a relaxed celebration that's all about happiness and not about planning. Invite your nearest and dearest over for dinner, or take everyone out to your favorite place, and soak up the joy that everyone's feeling right now. No need to freak out about the plans to come -- or the expenses -- since there's plenty of time for that later. Take lots of photos, perhaps using Adesso Albums (www.adessoalbums.com) to create a scrapbook/guestbook with notes from everyone in attendance.

Now's also the perfect time to start your gratitude journal, where you'll record all the bright moments during your pre-wedding time. Check it out at my site www.sharonnaylor.net, along with all the books you'll need for an organized, budget-friendly wedding.

It was a beautiful Christmas, spent with my family, with Joe and with Joe's family -- great food, great company, and the gift of loved ones right there at the table. Can't ask for more than that. :)

As the year comes to a close, I thank you for visiting me here at my blog, for writing such wonderful letters to my site and through my wedding forums, and I wish you a happy, safe, and healthy New Year.

Bridesmaids: how to donate your dresses!

The big trend today is for bridesmaids to donate their dresses rather than letting them collect dust in the back of the closet. Sure, you could hope to wear the dress again, or maybe get it tailored into a shorter style...but imagine the thrill of a high school girl who gets YOUR dress to wear to her prom.

Nonprofit organizations around the country collect "gently used" dresses or tuxedos in order to give low-income teens a chance to attend their high school proms in style. Check out these organizations:

Chicago: The Glass Slipper Project: http://www.glassslipperproject.org/
Los Angeles: The Cinderella Project: www.cinderellaproject.org/
Washington: The Fairy Godmothers: http://www.fairygodmothers.org
Arizona: Fairy Godmothers of Flagstaff: http://hometown.aol.com/storybookbridal/godmothers.html
Ohio: Fairy Godmothers Inc.: www.fairygodmothersinc.com

I will be donating my bridesmaid's dress from my brother's wedding to one of these groups -- so know that no matter where you live in the country or the world, you can arrange to send your dress or gown through the mail! Just check out their sites for details.

Benevolent holiday gifts

Charitable giving is a top trend this holiday season, so when I came across this one, I had to pass it along to you. Several years ago, while on a weekend visit out at my friend Jen's in Pennsylvania, she surprised me with tickets to see Jane Goodall in lecture. It was a fascinating evening, as Ms. Goodall was launching her new initiative to foster environmental and animal studies in schools. Now, her organization has an auction going on -- closing at 5pm EST tonight -- http://www.cmarket.com/catalog/browseCatalog.do?ID=46f88e5054a4a5a068687493d5538ccd&cate=Books&sortby=. So if anyone on your list is a fan of Ms. Goodall's, perhaps this is the perfect place to get a gift.

Donate your dress

If you're not planning to vacu-seal your wedding dress after the big day, consider donating it! Bethany and her team at www.idofoundation.org have set up a terrific program where you donate your dress, and 20% of the consignment sale through their partners goes to the charity of your choice...and it may qualify as a tax donation. So check out this terrific program at http://www.idofoundation.org/resources/dresses/. I'm searching right now for a group that collects bridesmaids' dresses that will be given to inner city teens to give them stylish prom gown choices. I'll report back on that one as soon as I find it. Busy day today...I've set up charity events for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, the Red Cross, and others through the fabulous gift store chain www.bluetulip.com -- it's my new favorite place for personalized (modern or traditional) wedding, shower, and engagement invitations, as well as amazing gift items for bridesmaids.

Ready for Christmas

Tonight, Joe and I decorated his Christmas tree....I'd gone for coffee while he was finishing up with the strings of lights, and as I was walking back in the winter night air, with two coffees and way too many donuts, it finally felt like Christmas to me. I was bringing 'gifts' to someone I love very much, to a warm apartment and boxes of Christmas ornaments, and the biggest smile grew on my face. Never mind that a heavy ornament clanged against Joe's new crystal ornament (I would have been devastated if it broke) and that Tigger decided to chomp on Joe's hand tonight...it was the lovely snapshot of holiday happiness that surpassed what I hoped it would be.

We're getting tons of stories in through the NJWedding.com 'Best Marriage Proposal' contest, and I love the creativity of these proposals. It's already our best collection ever -- a proposal in Canada at a winter resort, excellent use of the town firemen and the Santa who drives around each Christmas Eve, a cheerleading squad, and more. Last year, two of our couples were featured in People magazine, and we're sure that the media will be calling for our latest stories. Wherever they end up, our couples are very, very happy right now. So spread the word and get your friends to send in their stories. We'll be sharing the best of them on www.njwedding.com.

Right now, I'm in bliss-ville after our lovely holiday evening, and the Rob Lowe movie 'When Things Go Wrong For Mitch Albom' (or something like that) is on in the background. I'll settle in here by the fireplace with a good book for an hour or two and then check our scores because we're in the Fantasy Football playoffs. We may have beaten the #3 guy, which puts us up against the #1 guy next week. And the #1 guy cheats. So let's hope that justice prevails and we knock him out as well. Now that would be a Christmas Miracle. And perhaps a movie of the week starring Rob Lowe next year. He's not turning anything down these days, apparently.

National average wedding expenses

The numbers are in! According to www.costofwedding.com, here are the national averages of what wedding couples are spending for The Big Day:

Wedding Attire: $2,606
Wedding Ceremony: $2,525
Wedding Favors & Gifts: $1,121
Wedding Flowers: $1,969
Wedding Jewelry: $2,066
Wedding Music: $953
Wedding Photography & Video: $3,688
Wedding Reception: $14,169
Wedding Stationery: $847
Wedding Transportation: $410

I'm not sure what people are spending $2,525 on for their ceremonies -- perhaps decor is included -- but I AM sure that you can beat these numbers with my book 1000 BEST WEDDING BARGAINS. Just looking at this list, I'm thinking, "Nah, you can do better than that!" for a few categories. Some of my top tips for wedding budgeting:

1. Make a Priority List, and devote a larger percentage of your budget to that. If you're thinking, "We want our guests to eat well at the reception," then you'll devote a bigger chunk of your budget to that. If you're not dreaming about custom invitations, then go to www.mountaincow.com to get invitation-making software for almost nothing. That money can then be shifted into your catering, or as a simple big savings.
2. Get a realistic view of what things cost. Start with www.costofwedding.com, where you can plug in your zip code and get category averages for your area, and do lots of research on wedding vendors' price sheets. Few will post their prices online, so you'll have to contact them for a consultation. Consider this time spent to be an investment in your wise money handling.
3. Don't cut too far, or go too far in trying to get things for free. Aim for the middle range, since quality service and products do cost a fair amount.

In other news, I taped my first segments with The Wedding Podcast Network (www.thewpn.com), and I'm very excited about our upcoming shows. The program is called 'Here Come the Moms,' and we're focusing on everything the mothers of the bride and groom need to know to help plan the wedding, learn the new etiquette rules for moms, de-stress and look great on the wedding day. We're focusing especially on communication, problem resolution, and making sure you look FORWARD to the future after the wedding day. My co-host Holli Ehrlich is delightful, and we have the next ten shows waiting to go. So log on to the WPN and listen to some of the masters like Sylvia Weinstock and Preston Bailey share their inspirations as well. Our show launches next month, and we'll be taping live from the 4PM Wedding Salon at Gotham Hall in New York City in April. (Big thanks to Joe and Adam for circuitously hooking me up with this opportunity!)

Great job, Maren!

My friend Jill's daughter Maren has just embodied the holiday spirit. This is a beautiful girl, whose ringlet blonde hair has always been a focus of compliments (and, I'm sure, some envy in the schoolyard). I just received an e-mail from Jill with a photo of Maren, her hair cut into a cute, little bob.....she donated her hair to Locks of Love, an organization that accepts haircut donations to make wigs for cancer patients. And shortly afterward, Maren dropped a dollar into the Salvation Army bucket.

They say that volunteering is at an all-time high, with one in four Americans donating their time -- not just their money -- to their favorite charitable causes. Kids and teens are the top demographic for this. Plus, charitable wedding registries are on the rise. The nightly news might show devastation as our regular media diet, but as long as there are wonderful people like Maren out there, as long as those 'thinking of others' surveys show a rise in benevolence, that's a very good sign for the future. The holiday spirit is alive and well.

Our bouncing bundle of joy

Joe and I are proud to announce the arrival of our new hamster, Tigger. He's super-tiny, a bundle of energy, and FAST. He seems quite happy in his palatial new home, complete with straw-thatched cottage, lots of cotton and wheel, and the ability to sleep without half a dozen other hamsters climbing on his head. Joe had to actually pick me up in the store so that I could see into the high-up hamster tank, but we made our choice between the sleeping Tigger and the lumbering, greasy-looking, larger hamster in the corner who seemed to be having hallucinations of some kind. Our little guy likes carrot chips and it's only a matter of days before he'll be sleeping in Joe's hand.

Today's been a pure writing day -- I'm doing 8 articles for PashWeddings.com and I just delivered the entries for the E-Mail a Day program through that site as well. And publicity has started for my new-to-launch book, "Renewing Your Wedding Vows." [If you're one of the couples featured in this book, your copy will be on the way to you shortly!] So it's back to work right now....

The new anniversary gift list

Traditional gift etiquette has long offered a list of gifts that were appropriate for wedding anniversaries by number. The 1st anniversary was paper, 2nd was cotton and so on...

Now, there's a new, modern list for gift-givers to consider as an alternative to the traditional items (which, of course, some people still stick to.) I scrolled through this modern collection of numbered gift suggestions and found myself laughing. Some of the entries are just so...unexpected. For instance, you have to be married 47 years to get books? But on your 44th anniversary, you get groceries. Don't worry, though, because on your 41st anniversary, you get LAND, so you have someplace to put the books and the groceries. And the cotton and paper everyone else got you years ago.

Just for fun, and perhaps for gift ideas, check out the going list: http://www.chipublib.org/008subject/005genref/giswedding.html

And let me know what you think. I'd love your suggestions for some of those blank spaces.

Your Wedding:The Ultimate Bliss Trip

Engagement season has begun, and several million new brides- and grooms-to-be have started shopping for their wedding planning books. We're getting a great response for our new downloadable e-book and guided meditation MP3s at http://www.blisstrips.com/products/wedding.html. It seems, quite wisely, that today's brides and grooms know that having a plan to stay relaxed is just as important as having a plan to create the perfect wedding. So we offer our guide to keeping your cool and enjoying the process more. Kerstin Sjoquist and I invite you to check out our newest project and add it to your arsenal of wedding prep materials. Body & Soul magazine has just announced that it will include this project in an upcoming issue, and we're thrilled about that!

Enjoy!

My brother's wedding

My brother was married this past weekend, and I'll never forget walking down the aisle and seeing my little brother standing there in his tuxedo. He mouthed an 'I love you' as I approached, and after the ceremony told me the same thing. I thought I'd be all weepy at my brother's wedding, but I really wasn't. I was focused on the fact that my father -- who just got a pacemaker a few weeks ago -- was in attendance, and that my mother -- who overcame unbelievable odds to survive her cancer -- looked so beautiful in her gown and was there too....and that Joe was there looking so handsome, and my cousins...my mother's sister, who hadn't seen her since before she got sick. For me, it was all about who was in the room. Who embodies love. Who embodies family. I have always said, in person and in all of my books, that it's all about the people you love. I won't share details of the wedding, since I was not there in a working capacity but rather as the sister of the groom. And Joe gets bigtime angel wings for doing my family the favor of driving 6 hours up to New Hampshire to deliver this bridesmaid and my father's oxygen tanks, my parents' medicine, etc. He was an integral part of my parents being able to attend -- they were able to fly in because of him. And my parents and I are supremely grateful...

Now that the wedding is over, it's back to work. I start my wedding podcast on Thursday, I'm doing new online content for New Jersey Bride that's due next week, I'm lining up appearances, and the finished version of "Renewing Your Wedding Vows" just arrived the day before I left for the wedding. It's GORGEOUS, with cover quotes from Sasha Souza and Diane Forden. I'm so proud of this one...it brings such a happy thing into the world -- people celebrating GOOD relationships and successful commitments. I love my job. I love what I have the opportunity to create. And I love that somewhere, a couple will see this book, pick it up and use it to plan their own vow renewal -- and their kids will learn about what makes a marriage work. I'm in the inspiration business...

A very happy Thanksgiving!

The leftovers are all gone, the situps and walking lunges have begun, and my Christmas cards are already written out. It's the holiday season, officially. Right now, I have the Rockefeller Center tree lighting on in the background, Joe's Christmas gifts are all wrapped (after some very laughable attempts to origami-fold the gift boxes they sent with the gifts...there I was, in my pajamas and fuzzy socks, giggling at how I gave up on the first one and just package-taped it together. Attempts #2 and #3 went much better!). We finalized the cover copy for my book THE BRIDE'S DIPLOMACY GUIDE, lined up some dates for my NBC appearance, and set the start date for my Wedding Podcast Network talk show.

With engagement season underway, I'm starting my weekly site recommendations with a reminder of a site that I've already mentioned somewhere in this blog. But I think you'll find it helpful: www.costofwedding.com, where you can plug in your zip code and get reports on the averages of what people in your area are spending on their weddings. Just for fun, plug in cities where you don't live, just to see what's going on there.

And don't forget to visit me at www.pashweddings.com, where I answer real couples' wedding-planning questions. You'll also get answers from the thousands of other in-process brides and grooms who are generously sharing their ideas there. On January 1st, I start my e-mail a day program with them, so be sure to sign up for that one as well. I'll be throwing coupon codes in every now and then, and selecting participants to receive free books.

And finally, I am SO proud of my book The Bride's Gratitude Journal. It's one of those Rudy-type situations. Lots of houses said no, I self-published it, and it's doing wonderfully on the market. I hear that wedding coordinators are getting it in bulk to hand out to their clients. My goal with that one was to get the bride to focus on what's going WELL with the wedding plans, keep her stress low, and create a positive keepsake. It's out there, and people are using it. Looks like I got my Christmas gift early this year. It truly is the holiday season now...

Choosing your colors -- a great interactive tool!

PashWeddings.com has launched their amazing color palette interactive feature, where you can click and drag a wide range of different colors to see how they look next to each other. So try out your wedding colors here: http://www.pashweddings.com/wedding-color-palette/

Last week was a blur

My editors couldn't tell, I'm sure, but I was running on fumes last week. My Dad was in the hospital for the entire week, and as hard as it is to worry about his care, it brings back some tough memories from when my Mom was in the ICU for 3 weeks. If 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,' I should be able to lift a bus over my head by now. But Dad came home with a new gizmo in his chest, he's feeling better, and all is well. We're prepping for my brother's wedding, so there's lots of activity around the rehearsal dinner and the usual pre-wedding stress. But Joe -- who needs to be sainted right away for putting up with all of this -- brought my Dad some muffins along with a towel from the big Rutgers game last week. I love his giving nature, how thoughtful he is, how he knows the exact right way to support in every instance. I'm far from high-maintenance, but he reads me well. And he always delivers the perfect joke to lighten me up. I'm the luckiest woman on earth, and I've never been able to say this about anyone before -- but it's an honor to be with him.

Tomorrow I'm talking with the Wedding Podcast Network about potentially doing a show for them -- we'll see how that evolves -- and a quick glance at my project flowchart shows me that I should be getting some answers on my upcoming book. Fingers crossed that we can get a release date set for one project I really, really want to do, and that I'll be blissfully typing up #33 within a matter of weeks. In every writer's life, days come where you think about jumping tracks to something unrelated, and then good news comes along, and you're re-connected to the great love that is your writing life. Many icons have said that they couldn't live if they couldn't write. I know how that feels. So hopefully, the wheels will start turning at a house where a project is waiting for greenlight, and I'll get that call from Meredith with a happy 'Guess what?!' Until then, I've got my sketchbook and charcoal pencils out and am designing a line of wedding day shoes...formals for the ceremony time and more comfy, but stylish ones for the reception (and no, honey, they're not going to be like that Kors one we saw today). My grandmother was a beader, one of those artisans whose meticulous work would earn her six-figures at a top shoe designer today. We have all of her beads in the basement, some of which I'm sure are not even available anymore. So I may go pick up a few pairs of practice heels and see what I can do. Sculpture has bypassed me -- I loved it for years but I prefer the texture of bread dough in my hands rather than terra cotta clay -- and watercolors are a yawn for me. How many tree-lined ponds can you do? I'm feeling pulled to this craft, and am researching delicate beading methodology online. Could the Sharon Naylor Wedding Shoe line be far off in the distance? We'll see... Joe accompanied me to the shoe store today, and that's where the idea hit.

And speaking of beading, I just received a wonderful book by Jean Campbell, titled "Beaded Weddings," with over 75 fantastic ideas for beaded jewelry, invitations, reception decor, gifts and more. Gorgeous pictures, a big section on jewelry, and I especially love the DIY section on beaded accents to stick into floral bouquets. Photo albums get the beaded treatment, along with votive candles. If you want style and elegance at a low price, pick up this book and enlist your friends to join you in crafting some elements for your day. I'm headed over to give Jean's book a 5-star on amazon.com. I don't often recommend other wedding books, but this is one you -- or your mothers or bridesmaids -- will definitely enjoy. Thank you for sending this one, Jaime. I'm a new fan of Jean's work.

My student's book is out!

A million years ago (it seems), I taught an evening writing workshop for adults who wished to be published. And I've just seen that one of my students has had his book on addiction recovery published! James DeSena's manuscript stood out for its passion and its controversial take on the 'recovery movement,' and while his wasn't my final choice to bring to my agent, I'm happy to see that he pursued his goal and brought it to print. Bravo, Jim, and thank you for mentioning me in your acknowledgment as being instrumental in inspiring you as your teacher. This makes three of my students who have gone on to publish, which makes me very, very proud.

Since I've been scanning Amazon.com on this rainy day, awaiting news from the hospital on my Dad's transfusions, I'm excited to see that I pop up as a contributor in some new books! My colleagues often come to our writer's circle for anecdotes, and it's always fun to pitch in. So my advice shows up (and you can see it online, if you don't have the books) in 101 Things Every Kid Should Do Growing Up, by Alecia Devantier (I suggested sharing other cultures with kids via research and food tastings, music, etc.); How to Survive a Move, in the Hundreds of Heads Survival Guides (not what I expected -- a snippet of what I shared in the 'how to apartment-search via classifieds' arena, but still fun to be in there); The ASJA Guide to Freelance Writing (Lots of quotes and advice from me on the writing life) and the 52 Most Romantic Places in and Around New York City (I spent a few days doing press tours of some of the most amazing hotels and restaurants, Wollman Rink, Lincoln Center, and -- sadly -- the top of the World Trade Center. It was one of my most unforgettable assignments).

I won't discuss Amazon's program where you can search inside a book for what you need...for free...It's one of those opportunities to sigh, accept it, and see how you can work with them instead of against them. Thus, some upcoming 'So You'd Like To...' guides I have my eye on. It's a bit of a martial art. Step away from the oncoming 'assault' and let its own momentum make it sail past you. Then make something good come from it. Not always easy, but definitely an exercise in resilience and creativity...which is what the writer's life is all about. Seeing Jim's book there makes me want to teach again, so maybe I'll look into that adult school for the spring.

I read something that resonates in Body and Soul magazine this afternoon -- how just having something positive to look forward to creates the same type of positive hormones as experiencing the positive thing. It's quite a way to look at your calendar.

On Broadway

I've said it before, and I'll say it again -- when the phone rings, it could be anything. Usually something great. This week, it was the opportunity to interview Sutton Foster, Tony-winner for Thoroughly Modern Millie, and Tony-winner Beth Leavel, both of whom are currently appearing in the Broadway musical The Drowsy Chaperone. I remember when both won their awards -- I was watching from my couch in my pajamas when they delivered their acceptance speeches. And now...I talked to both of them about that moment, about the thrill of opening night on Broadway, and how the wedding aspect of this musical ties in to being an actress on Broadway. Sutton and I talked about her wedding last month, and Beth and I talked about her wedding 24 years ago. Both are delightful, which thrills me to no end. I love it when great, good-hearted people reach such great heights, and their enthusiasm for their art was positively infectious. These women have such an electricity about them, they glow over the phone. After I hung up, I had the most amazing feeling of being renewed, recharged...plugged back into my own passion for my art. Sometimes the light dims, and a conversation like this turns in into a beacon.

So here's my insight for the day: make time to talk or be with people who inspire you, those who are where you want to be. If you can't reach them personally, reach them peripherally by listening to their soundtrack, reading their book, even reading their bio on their company Web site. I walked away from these conversations focusing not on a brush with Tony-winners, but on a brush with creative joy, fellow artists who worked and worked at their craft, always knowing they'd get there someday.

I can't share the advice they gave or the content of the article I wrote -- you'll see that in an upcoming issue of New Jersey Bride -- but I can tell you to go see The Drowsy Chaperone, either as a date with your partner, as a family outing, as the bridesmaids' outing, in place of a traditional bachelorette party, as a wedding weekend activity. I've just called Ticketmaster to get my 4 tickets, and I absolutely can't wait to see these great actresses shine on stage. If you haven't seen this show yet, it's about a pampered Broadway starlet who wants to escape show business by getting married. Her producer is trying to sabotage the wedding, and there are gangster pastry chefs, among others, playing out the spectacle. Sounds like some people's weddings, doesn't it? That makes it the perfect show for me. So go get your tickets while Sutton and Beth are still in the show.

What a blessing, in the midst of a crazy week, to get to talk to such inspiring women. I'm overwhelmed.

And speaking of overwhelmed, last night was the celebration for my sister's 40th birthday, which we attended at the 21 Club in New York City. We were told we had the same table that Frank Sinatra used to call 'his table,' which was quite special to my sister. A great meal, some fun reminiscing, my brother's hilarious sense of humor, and that 3 hour ride in the rain for a trip that usually takes 40 minutes was worth every hydroplane. Our driver Ali was from Turkey, so we learned some Turkish, heard about the beauties of Istanbul, learned about Turkish cuisine, and then we taught him on some Italian and Ukrainian key phrases. So in 10mph traffic, we had a cultural summit. Punctuated by my parents' adorable fascination with the GPS system. My Dad's health is improving. He was able to go out for dinner. That makes the night a success. The capper? My brother remembered that my Mom collects matchbooks from all of our vast family travels, and he presented her with one from 21.

So in this week of chatting with actresses who, in my opinion, have revitalized Broadway together with Idina from 'Wicked', sitting at Frank Sinatra's table, and reliving our long, long list of memories from our lifelong charmed family history, the best part of my week was being warm and cozy under three blankets with Joe, watching a History channel update on UFO conspiracies, eating homemade chicken soup, doing foot massages, and planning for Thanksgiving. I'm half publishing machine, half domestic bliss angel. Wouldn't have it any other way.

Gotta go...the Rutgers game is on. Joe and the boys are in attendance so I'll be glancing at that while planning my upcoming fall bridal show appearances. Looking for great bridal shows? www.NJwedding.com has a page full of them, listed with Web sites and contact info. Enjoy the shows!

Get ready to be inspired -- 'Married Away' starts soon

This just in...The Style Network has announced the launch of a spectacular new show: 'Married Away' spotlights several destination weddings in Hawaii, Thailand and more exotic locales. We've all read the stats that destination weddings are up 400%, but when you take a stat and turn it into THIS, it's a must-see. The show launches on December 5th, on the Style Network of E! Entertainment Television.

It's less than a month until my brother's wedding, and I just went for a fitting on my bridesmaid's dress. For all of you brides and bridesmaids who are facing open-backed dresses and serious bra issues, check out the stick-on corset bras at www.carabella.com (it makes more sense as a visual than my description here). So with my stick-on bra ordered, final fitting is just a week away.

Joe and I visited the Short Hills Mall this weekend, where I bought a skirt for the rehearsal dinner, and in getting to the store, we had to go through the Perfume Gauntlet. At two different department stores. You know what I'm talking about...you're trying to get out of the store by walking through the cosmetics department, and perfume ninjas jump out at you from every angle, shoving scented paper strips into your hand and talking up their gift sets. ("You could use a leather pouch!") I particularly loved the perfume ninja who called her sample the 'Jean Paul GLOW-tier,' which still cracks me up. Perhaps the attacks are my fault for making eye contact and smiling, so the next time...big floppy hat and sunglasses. Or I'll enlist one of the designer-dressed eleven year-olds with their Coach handbags to walk with me...the perfume ninjas will definitely sniff out a better mark and leave me alone.

Funny sight from the Short Hills Mall -- there's something that looks like a massage chair but actually is a simulated horseback riding apparatus. I was checking it out, with Joe right behind me, and the marketing video came on. Let's just say it was inappropriate for family viewing. "We're outta here," I said as Joe and I departed, and my quick man came up with the greatest joke ever about how the video would sell better than the horseback riding machine. As an author, I'm an observer of human behavior and language...that mall is a treasure trove of writing material. And my Joe makes me laugh like no one else...

Our Halloween party

The party was a smash success! Joe and I put about 3 months of effort into it, and from our Haunted Forest in the bedroom to our massive spread of food (next time we'll do 1/3 the amount) to the full bar with Mudslides and Zombies, Werewolf and Vampire wine from Transylvania, to all the decor, it was perfect. Even more perfect was our crowd -- a fantastic blend of my friends, Joe's friends and colleagues, my book club ladies and neighbors, my brother and his fiancee...everyone came in great costumes and I just stopped my hosting duties now and then to look around and smile. Everyone was having a great time. And Joe and I won the very fun costume contest -- he was Spiderman and I was Elvira. A great time was had by all, which is the definition of success in any party planning, no matter what little details go wrong. We had a few snafus -- wall hangings I forgot to take down, bad timing on heating up the baked ziti -- but it all works together, just like a wedding, to add up to the fun things you laugh about later. The key is to relax and be a guest at your own party.

Joe and I had planned to have our own little romantic dressup party the next night, but after that big of a job in pulling the party together with so much detail, our plans were doomed from the start. Not only were we tired, but the chicken didn't microwave well (that one's on me), the fireplace log started putting out fumes, my Little Red Riding Hood outfit was incredibly itchy, and Joe's face makeup for his costume went rancid and his face got all hot. So our romantic evening turned into him scrubbing his face clean, and us choking down rubbery chicken and drinking seltzer instead of wine because we were so dehydrated from the night before, then getting right into sweats and PJs to watch Halloween movies we're tired of by now. Entwined on the couch, it turned into a relaxing footrub night. Again, the things that go wrong all work together to add up to the things you laugh about later.

And shortly after that evening, we stripped down the house, got the haunted forest things and the black roses out of my bedroom, and I put my office back together again. My entire world was stuffed into my closet for the party, so it was a 2-day task to get my house back in gear. And it was quite fortuitous, since I found sweaters I thought I'd lost and only put back about 1/2 of the decor items I originally had out in my house. The place looks incredible now, which has me back in the mood to work. I'm pitching my novel for movie rights this week...and I've joined up with www.BnBFinder.com as their wedding expert, so I'm whipping up articles for them. My work-world Treat: an appearance, photo feature and quote in The New York Times. Joe ran right out to get it the moment I called him about it. He's the best.

Now, on to planning for Thanksgiving... ;)

Party prep

It's like packing to move. Just about everything on the counters and surfaces of my house has been boxed and stored away, making my place the blank canvas for tonight's party prep. Joe came over last night with some amazing decorations, and it's all starting to take shape. I've been working on my Elvira wig, trying to un-smush it and get it nice and round, and I fixed it late last night. So now I have three contenders -- Elvira, velvet goth girl, and Little Red Riding Hood. It's all about the look on Joe's face when he sees me in it.

Today is half a work day. I just sent in some interview answers to Long Island Bride and Groom and Philadelphia Style magazines, and I'm talking with a reporter for Consumer's Digest. It's time to line up the next book, so I'm sketching out ideas, mining recent wedding events and writing conferences for ideas that I haven't done yet. I have five in mind right now...just letting them marinate to see what has the most flavor.

It's been a while since I recommended sites and resources, so let me remind you of my forum at www.pashweddings.com, my Q&A column at www.njwedding.com, and a very fun new resource at www.BnBFinder.com, which now offers gift certificates for stays at bed and breakfasts. The new thing is giving parents a stay at a charming B&B as a thank you for the wedding. An experience is always way better than a gift for display.

And check out the new line of stationery at www.mountaincow.com. Along with the best invitation-making software out there, they've teamed up with Envelopments for gorgeous papers, envelopes and stylish envelope liners.