Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The gift of what goes wrong...

I must admit that it took a hot bath and a walk around the block to clear my head enough to get to this realization, but there are gifts in the things that go wrong with weddings. I can turn someone's crappy comment into an article. I can appreciate the people who *do* express their joy for us. After the frustration wears off, I mine the problem for the gold. Every bride and groom have problems before the wedding day, and the ones you don't see coming can hit you at a weak spot. And it's such a sadness for me that anyone would try to hit us at a weak spot right now. But they do. It's just a sorry, sad fact. What's cheering me, and what I'll laser-focus on right now, are the many notes of congratulations coming at us from my community on iVillage and on Pash Weddings. Strangers wishing us well, from the goodness of their hearts. Someone at the bridal show I attended said something profound: "Happy people are the quiet ones." They don't give you crap because they're too busy being happy. So true.

So whatever else might go wrong will become an article, a help for other brides and grooms, and in the pruning of our life right now, we make room for the good people who express the best of everything that we deserve. Ironic, isn't it, that we cut back a bunch of trees and pulled the gunk out of the hidden recesses of our gutters last weekend? That's what wedding seasons include as well. It's the dark side of it. I've long advised people to focus on the good, focus on their love, embrace their spouse-to-be, and try, TRY to focus on the good stuff even when the bad stuff is loud (some of my brides write to me because parents have threatened to not come to the wedding if they don't get their way. Can you believe the selfishness in that?!). Weddings bring out the best and worst of people. No bride or groom is exempt from that. We're just lucky that we have soooo many great people with good characters who are happily, willingly doing all they can to make this wedding day fabulous for us and for our circle of loved ones. Let's not forget, both of our families have been through a lot in the past few years, and this wedding is a victory party for all of us, a time for closeness, a joyful gathering.

Yeah, it's a gauntlet. But at the end of it, you change what needs to be changed, you thank for what needs to be thanked, and your life is blessed because you're married to your best friend. Those who want to attract bad karma to themselves can do so. As for us, we're experiencing the great karma that comes from all we have done to care for others over the years. And that's the best part. The things you don't expect to go so RIGHT are in the mix as well. Just focus on that!